Shhhh….do you hear that? Oh yeah you don’t hear it because its in my head. Ok let me clue you in… Sometimes my internal banter is an-noy-ing. That voice is incessant, and it is not so nice sometimes, she worries soooo much. I spend a lot of time calming her down so that I can just focus. The presence of this internal voice makes it very difficult for me to make decisions because it is always focused on everything that could happen, didn’t happen, may happen and should happen.
I used to think this was something I just had to contend with. It wasn’t until I read the book The Untethered Soul, Michael A Singer that I realized that this voice could be controlled. Game Changer!
If I had to give that voice a nickname based on what I hear the most, the nick name would be “What If?”. Many times when I am ready to move forward on a new project or task, I get that proverbial tap on the shoulder…What if?….
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- What if people don’t like you?
- What if no one listens?
- What if people think you are charging too much?
- What if you do not charge enough?
- What if they don’t think you have enough credentials?
- What if they think you are overqualified?
- What if you fail?
- What if you succeed?
- What if you make no money?
- What if you make too much money?
- What if you get a bad review?
- What if something better comes along?
- Or the LOUDEST ONE – What if you are not good enough?
And the list goes on and on and on. At some points in my life these “What if’s” have become stifling and mentally and emotionally paralyzing. It can get very heavy to carry around all of these possibilities at all times.
In the book, Michael A. Singer provides a few tips that have helped me tremendously.
Tip # 1: Stop nagging yourself.
Singer says this voice is like living with a lunatic or a nagging roommate that just follows you around whining and complaining about everything. Like, who does that? Let’s kick her out!
Yes that is possible, we can re-create the relationship that we have with the thoughts that do not serve our highest good. Not only can we do this, but we absolutely should constantly tune in, as an observer, to the thoughts that attempt to gain our attention…no judgement…no attachments, just observation. Then, decide if that is a thought that needs to be rooted or weeded. We do not need to accept every thought that tries to gain our attention. I never realized how important my attention was, but it is extremely important and valuable – and so is yours.
Think about how much money a company will pay to air a 30 second commercial during the Super Bowl…that is because 30 seconds of your attention is extremely valuable…30 seconds! Now how much time and attention are you giving to thoughts that do not aid in your progression. What would you do if you thought of that time in terms of lost money? When you PAY attention to things that are not favorable, you are giving away valuable time, energy, motivation, and so on.
So let’s STOP
I think about this video whenever I find myself doing something that I absolutely know is counterproductive. STOP DOING THAT! It’s simple, but simple is not always easy.
Tip # 2: Focus on the 1%
“Ninety-nine percent of your thoughts are a complete waste of time. They do nothing but freak you out” ~ Michael A. Singer. When you are playing the observer of your thoughts, watch where they take you – physically, mentally and emotionally. How much time are you possibly spending solving problems that do not actually exist? Or how many opportunities have you forfeited to imaginary scenarios? Again, don’t travel to far down this road – just either acknowledge that you are or are not impacted by your thoughts and then observe whether or not they are sending you towards or away from the life you are working to design.
But wait…don’t my thoughts come from my values and my experiences and my beliefs? Don’t I need to think through things to make educated decisions and to keep myself safe? Well…yes and no. Yes, you do need to use your intelligence and wisdom as a guide. But no, you do not need to blindly follow every path your thoughts illuminate. Again, before entertaining a thought, observe it. Is it coming from the processing part of your brain, or is it just the nagging roommate fussing to hear her own voice. Over time and with practice you will easily be able to tell them apart.
Tip # 3: This one is MY FAVORITE! Let Go.
“There are no decisions, there is only interaction with what is in front of you. Decisions come because you have attachments, desires, and fears. The only thing that will help you is to let go. If you let go of your stuff, there are no decisions – there is just life” ~ Michael A. Singer.
On the surface this sounds like fluffy Psycho-babble, but it is not. There are over 100 words that end in -cide and they all mean death. Suicide (death of self); Genocide (death of a race or culture); Homicide (death of another person); Pesticide (death of pests) – you get the point. So when your internal chatter goes off when it is time for you to make a decision it is because it is a matter of life and death…not literal death of you, but something must be deleted, cut away, dis-regarded for something else to be regarded.
Well no wonder the internal roommate is going crazy. But wait there is something that can be done about it…if the presence of a decision sets off the chatter, bypass that trigger. Stop making decisions…start making choices. On the surface it may seem like those are the same things, but a decision kills the alternatives, while a choice simply sets one aside. Choices are point in time, they allow you to focus on the here and now. A choice enables you to focus on What IS vs What IF. Don’t you just hear the peace an clarity from that simple shift?
So today, I invite you to start packing your nagging roommates belongings so you can navigate through your thoughts in a clutter-free way focusing only what is now, what is real and what is for you. Your What IS > What if.
